Vulnerability is something I’m learning to be more open to. I had never talked openly about my music, and truthfully try to hide it most of the time. Hence why it took me two years to finally release these songs and a year to release my new one. I think the turning point was when I watched A Star is Born and Bohemian Rhapsody. I was moved in ways indescribable, and was easily reminded of how impactful & powerful music is to those around us.
Writing music has always been a passion of mine, but I have difficulty sharing my songs, due to their vulnerable and fragile nature. They are personal, and usually always written during times of struggle as an outlet to my frustrations. It’s even more so ironic that each song was written in a different year (i.e. one in 2016, 2017, and 2018) but finally being released altogether.
It’s been almost a year since I produced Quiet Mind, and it’s been a year to finally release it. It took multiple coaxings from my father, who reminded me about once a week that I still hadn’t put out my songs. I was going to leave the songs up for interpretation and not elaborate on my personal struggles, but after hearing feedback from a close friend, I knew I needed to share a little more of my story. She said the lyrics made her realize she wasn’t alone and that is my hope for you if you’re reading this.
The song Quiet Mind, was written during a time when I was fed up with my perfectionism. It had reached a point where I couldn’t paint a picture, write a blog post, or edit pictures without being disgusted with the outcome. My perfectionism was eating me alive, along with my overthinking— and then eventually my newfound anxiety. Costumes was also written during a time when I felt suffocated from expectations, having to live up to being a “perfect” human being, which was my least favorite compliment, and trying to combat my horrific fear of the future and failure. All were irrational fears, as it took me time to realize I was the only one prohibiting myself from fully reaching my potential. Only when I started opening up to my loved ones, close friends, extended family members and mentors—did I realize that I wasn’t alone in my fears/anxiety. Most of my dilemmas were common issues among us all. As I researched more into mental health and the statistics, I found that I was certainly not alone.
These past years have been some of the most challenging, yet fulfilling. They’ve helped me achieve the greatest amount of growth, and has been years full of love, overcoming obstacles, learning, & creating. Through these feelings—ups and downs—I’ve learned to accept and embrace. It seems as though “having no feelings,” is considered “cool” in today’s age. Ironically, I find it the opposite, as those who share and open up are the brave ones who make connections and have a life well fulfilled. I now cherish every moment of growth and setbacks, as it allows me to learn more about myself and become the best version of me. Emotions are pivotal to a life well lived and I personally don’t want to neglect myself from experiencing every precious moment life has to offer.
Through this year of trials, I always thought I wanted a “Quiet Mind”. But quickly realized how grateful I am for all the thoughts that stream and run through my mind daily.
All the creativity.
The gratitude for my family.
The lyrics to a favorite song, or one I think of as I’m driving on 408.
Being a role model for my little cousins.
An idea for a new painting I want to try.
A gift I want to make for a friend.
Remembering a failure and how to learn from it.
The voices of loved ones.
A poem or book I want to write. The ability to problem solve. To delegate. To think. To learn.
To be better.
The ability to think. To be conscious.
Writing has always been something I wish I would devote more time to, therefore whenever I do write, I want it to have as much depth, value, and meaning as humanly possible, which is why I held off. However, if this post helps at least one person, I feel as though it was worth it. This wasn’t meant to solicit pity, rather hope and connection, for those who are at a stand-still and need a little inspiration or motivation. To remember you’re loved and there are many people out there who care. Through everything if I had to narrow it down at this moment, the three biggest things I’ve learned:
There is no such thing as perfect.
I am under no obligation to be someone I’m not.
And my future is mine to discover and to be taken with bravery, not fear.
This was written for everyone out there who experiences fear of their own failures and struggles. We all have those moments of feeling depleted and those moments of setbacks. I hope this reminds you how unique and incredible you are as a human being. How to love your imperfections, as I’m still learning to do. We all have our own battles and you are doing amazing. Always remember you have the potential to reach any outcome you want, as you have the capability to think and create such profound thoughts to share. You just have to allow yourself to be the perfectly, imperfect human being you are.
God truly gifted me with the greatest family and friends. Thank you for your continuous encouragement. I would start naming names but it would be 5 pages long. You know you who are and I sincerely thank you.
And of course, thank you to my dad, my hero, for always pushing me to be the best artist I can be, and for being my personal drummer on each song. Thank you to my mother, who always encourages me in whatever direction I chose to take and her endless support. And of course, my little sister, for showing me what strength is and for pushing me to be a better person and big sister for her.
You can listen to my new EP here.
If you or a loved one is struggling with mental illness, here’s a link as a resource if you need.