S1 Ep5: Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt
This episode took research, help from friends, and opening up on my self-doubt and how I combat negative self talk. Inspired from a DM from a friend, I used this episode to share my creative journal and the struggles I’ve faced through my endeavors!
I’m extra extra extra excited to share this one with you guys as there are SO many tips on dealing with self-doubt.
While there are numerous tips in this episode, I’ve summarized my top ones and then my friends responses.
Recently I got messaged this on Instagram. I asked permission before sharing of course, but this is truly the inspiration for this episode and I knew I wanted to share with you guys. This sweetheart first asked,
“It would be amazing to hear about your journey on what you’ve accomplished recently (online store, having your own podcast, etc.) It seems like you’re taking huge strides (this is all from observation) and I was curious how you deal with negative self talk and self doubt when also trying to accomplish your goals? That is of course if you experience any :)”
I then shared that I definitely go through all stages of self doubt and I would be more than happy to share, to which she replied,
“As someone who also has big dreams I struggle with a lot of self doubt and just automatically assume I won’t be good enough. It’s great to see you pushing forward and going after yours and also to see that you’re really doing it. Let me know when the podcast episode comes out!”
My own journey is described in depth in this podcast, starting from my photography business at 14 to now at 22, owning my own business under my name, started this podcast and already have plans in motion for my next creative endeavor.
All of what I described does not come without its own set of trials. In fact, each thing I just described HAD self-doubt in each one of those seasons. Either during or in between.
Each step led me to where I am today, and for that I am grateful. Even my failures, as hard as they were to move past, were pivotal to my future. I think those were the times when I pushed myself the most.
How do I combat the negative self talk.
FAMILY & FRIENDS
Because most of the time, (unless it’s my grandmas telling me that anything and everything I’m doing is great hah) they will tell me if my idea or doubt is actually reasonable or if I’m being silly. So for instance, when I wanted to branch off from the business with my best friend that I had built, I went to my dad. He listened to my silly doubts and reassured me that starting my own business would come set with its own set of trials but knew it would be worth it in the end.
POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
To this I combat it by positive affirmations and self talk. I’m not even kidding you, this has scientifically proven to increase your mood. I looked into this more, because I wanted to know the science behind it all. When you begin to recognize your types of negative thinking, you can work to turn them into positive thinking. This task requires practice and time and doesn’t develop overnight. The good news is that is can be done. A 2012 study shows even small children can learn to correct negative self-talk. These scenarios are examples of when and how you can turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk.
Negative: I let everyone on my team down when I didn’t score.
Positive: Sports are a team event. We win and lose together.
Negative: I’ve never done this before and I’ll be bad at it.
Positive: This is a wonderful opportunity for me to learn from others and grow.
Negative: There’s just no way this will work.
Positive: I can and will give it my all to make it work.
Again, this all takes practice. I’ve had to develop this over the years and still sometimes let the negative thoughts seep through. Yet, Recognizing some of your own negative self-talk in these scenarios may help you develop skills to flip the thought when it occurs. So in essence, Saying REALLY is believing.
PRAY
Cliche, but whenever I begin to beat myself up, whenever my worries get way too big for me and I begin to allow the panic to set in AND the overthinking process—I turn to prayer. I am a firm believer that my plan is bigger than me and know I shouldn’t fear when God is the one who takes care of all of that. He is the reason for my creation and I know there is something bigger than me, so praying helps me center myself back to peace and reality!
So while I shared these 3 resources of mine, I realize that my answer is just one opinion, and what works for me may not work for others. While I understand not everyone has a similar situation, maybe a different home life or different views, therefore I asked some of my dear friends how they combat negative self talk and doubt. They are also humans who deal with doubt, just like you and me, and have various passions.
Here are their replies:
Remembering that no matter what you think of yourself, no matter what someone says or does to you, you have to live with yourself.
You have control of how you live.
Appreciate your friends and family and turn to them even if it's to keep your mind preoccupied.
Take the time to find what makes you happy because it is different for everyone. Everyone deserves to be happy and there is enough negativity in the world, there is no need to reflect that on yourself.
I usually try to pinpoint where I think the problem is coming from and what things or actions are causing me to feel this way. From there I brainstorm what ways I can change that or actions I can implement into my life to stop the actions that cause me these feelings. Overall inner reflection and self correction.
By listening to good music-worship music and indie music (something calm and happy), and I LOVE surfing Pinterest and finding happy quotes. I also love calling someone I’m close with to just love on them and catch up!
So for the self doubt, my therapist told me once to give it a name. It sounds super silly but you basically name the negative voice in your head so that you can separate it from your normal thoughts. So you could name her Agnes and then every time doubt starts to creep in, tell agnes im not listening to you. Sounds super dumb lol but it has worked for me before!
The cliche “Rome was not built in a day” reminds me that I cannot expect myself to achieve everything I want according to my own timeline. One must take things day by day and celebrate the little victories here and there.
Let yourself fail. It is ok to try new things and new methods and it is ok to fail. One person cannot achieve and accomplish everything and failing helps up stay humble, gain a new perspective, and move forward with pertinent knowledge we didn’t have before to help us in our futures.
Wow. I know that may have been a lot of advice at once, but it was too good not to share. Realizing that most everyone deals with self-doubt somehow makes the world feel a little less terrifying for me personally and knows that I’m not alone. So to the person who wrote that question for me this week: please keep dreaming and don’t stop. We all are going to face self-doubt at some point but what is going to make you stand out is if you use some of these tools provided and push through the negative thoughts. You are capable and don’t let your mind tell you otherwise.
If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be to let what matters be at the forefront of my mind. I was doing and trying things that I loved and adored and had a passion for. Nothing else should’ve mattered—not trying to be the best, not trying to compare myself to that other photographer, nothing.
So to you reading or listening, if there’s any area of your life that you’re questioning yourself to compare to someone else, I’m telling you right now, don’t let your mind overthink and make you forget how incredible you are.
Continue to dream big.
Continue to make mistakes, learn, push onward, make accomplishments.
Maybe make more mistakes! Then grow, learn, and give yourself grace.
You decided to do listen to this podcast for a reason, which even shows your determination and care that you have for yourself! You’re enough and you’re doing amazing. You were created for a reason, and I’m cheering you on. I hope this helped you remember that we are all human in the same world and that you’re not alone in your struggles.
Wishing you happy dreams, keep creating and being you.
xx,
Shelby